I’m Throwing Away My Wedding Dress

June 8, 2023 by Diana Pearce Leave a Comment

Yeah, you heard me. I’m trashing that symbol of marital bliss I bought before I married a man who I thought was such a good guy.

And no, I’m not talking in the cutesy way some brides trash their gowns by wading in the ocean. I’m talking about stuffing it in the dumpster along with someone's leftover spaghetti and used tampons.

I can't stand the thing anymore, and all the hopes and dreams it represented, not to mention the naivety I had when I wore it.

Hanging there in the closet, protected in its garment bag, it is mocking me.

For starters, I can't fit into it anymore. That dress was at least forty pounds and two bra cups ago. There are stains down the front, stains I don't remember acquiring. And of course, the armpits are yellowed. The fabric has taken on that stiff texture fabric gets when it ages and has absorbed sweat. Eww. Not to mention, the alternations person did a shit job altering the dress to fit my then petite frame. There's also a subtle smell. Nothing too obvious, I mean I only wore it twice, but it's there if you take a deep whiff.

But the main reason I’m trashing my dress is that it depresses me too much to keep it.

I wore that dress almost fourteen years ago when I married a man who I thought was the cream of the crop. He was kind, easy-going, and gentle. I thought I was the luckiest person in the world and genuinely felt sorry for everyone else because they didn't have my husband for a spouse. I thought he was a catch. And my family and friends agreed.

We were very young and poor and the only way to go was up. We had career plans and dreamed of the day when going out to dinner wasn't a financial burden. We took our pleasure where we could: cheap burritos and free movie night at our college, and walks in the park. It wasn't easy, but our world was relatively small, and we had our whole futures in front of us.

But more importantly, we had each other. We knew we always had someone to rely on.

And then my husband abandoned me by text message while I was in the bathroom one night.

After my husband left, many objects in the house became abhorrent to me. The Christmas ornaments from our many Christmases together, his computer chair where I would bring him lunch every day, and let's not forget his dirty laundry still in the hamper.

I had to box up these items or move them to the garage, it was too painful to look at them. Every one of them reminded me of the future I had planned out, and how due to one person's selfish actions, that future was suddenly erased.

But the worst thing, and one which I think my wedding dress especially symbolized, was the fact that I had let myself marry and trust a man who turned out to be the biggest liar I’ve ever known (and that's only taking into account the lies I know about, I’m sure there are more).

I stood up in front of family and friends (and so did he) and promised that this was it, my one person for the rest of my life. And I meant it, I took my vows very seriously. I guess we weren't on the same page that day.

Since that night, six days before Christmas, I’ve learned things about this man, I’ve seen how he's changed, and I just can't believe I ever walked down the aisle wearing that dress that I thought was so beautiful. I traveled out of town to shop for that dress, and to have it altered. I even based my decision to purchase that dress partly because it was modest and my husband's family was ultra-conservative.

What a total joke.

I wish I could see my dress as it rots in the landfill it is destined for. I would love to see all the disgusting trash get dumped on top of it, and see it accumulate stains until it wasn't white anymore. I would take pictures, and name the collection something maudlin like "Lost Future." But I will have to be content in the knowledge that it is in a landfill somewhere, rotting away.

In the last six months, I’ve felt like I have no control over my life. But this little piece I do have control over, and I’ve decided to let go of it.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: Evan Demicoli on Unsplash

Filed Under: Featured Content, Marriage & Commitment Tagged With: Divorce, life, marriage, relationships, women